authenticity

Inspiration versus Imitation

inspiration vs imitation

Inspiration versus Imitation. It’s a blurred line in our world today, where it’s easy to take other people’s stuff, repackage it into a lovely little black and white quote, repost it, and take credit for it as our own.

I’ve seen this even with incredibly high profile and successful individuals - for example, a leading researcher and author recently being credited for inventing an “amazing new term” in 2019, when in fact I learned this term five years ago from a friend in Vancouver who learned it from someone else before that. Neither my friend nor her friend were cited by this renowned researcher and author, of course. Or another best selling author being credited with all sorts of concepts on interviews and podcasts and reposts that were actually taken verbatim from others, but that are being repackaged in a snappy way on Instagram and in books and being marketed to women across the US with wild success.


”There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.” - Mark Twain

I believe in Mark Twain’s perspective on ideas. I believe that many ideas are a rebirth of some sort of idea that came before. I believe in the myth of the ah ha and the fact that slow hunches are formed gradually - often by bringing together a number of ideas that came before. I believe that ideas are formed from hundreds and sometimes millions of data points - many of which are not even recognized by our conscious mind.

And, I believe that if we are reposting or sharing or recreating something that was explicitly created by someone else, we need to be transparent about this. That the right thing to do is to cite authors and researchers and sources. That if we are reposting a pretty black and white quote of a concept that was created by someone else, that we need to clearly disclose that we are the messenger versus the creator.


In my courses and retreats and workshops and events, I aim to do this by including sources and references for anything I share that is not uniquely mine. Online, I aim to do this by never reposting a pretty black and white quote of a concept that I did not create. And in conversations, I aim to do this by mentioning the source (or at least what I believe to be the source) of concepts that I mention that come from somewhere else.

Some questions we may consider include:

  • If I am sharing something that explicitly came from someone else, am I crediting this person appropriately?

  • If I am inspired by something that explicitly came from someone else, is my version unique and original in some way?

  • Am I regularly creating time to connect to my own inspiration - the inspiration that only lives within me, versus on other people’s websites or social media feeds?

What about you? How do you find the place of inspiration versus imitation? And what are your thoughts about this blurred line between the two, in our current time?

Image Credit: Ben Weber

What Part of This is Also True For Me?

“What part of this is also true for me?”

communication, truth, alignment

I appreciated this question, posed in a workshop that I recently attended.

Rather than jump to ‘do I agree or disagree?’ Or ‘is this right or wrong?,’ an invitation to ponder instead what part - even if a tiny one - in what’s being said, shared, or expressed, might also be true for me?

We can use this in work contexts, in relationships, in meetings, and in heated (or not so heated) conversations to step out of a place of judgment and into a place of curiosity and exploration. It fascinates me to imagine what might be possible if some of our current leaders tried this question on for size, as well.

 

A few questions you might experiment with include:

  • What part of this is also true for me?

  • Even if I disagree, what is the truth that I might be able to see in this?

  • What is the small part of this that resonantes for me?

  • How can I step out of my own perspective in order to really see and hear what’s being said?

  • If I step out of my own position, where are the areas where we’re actually aligned?

Following Your Passion When You're Not Quite Sure What Your Passion Is

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“Follow Your Passion!”

“Live Your Purpose!”

We’ve all, I’m sure, heard this advice way too many times to count.

While inspiring in some cases, it can feel like slightly unhelpful advice when we’re not sure what our purpose is, or where our passions actually lie.

Discovering these things is not, of course, an overnight process. For some of my clients, the desire to get more clarity in the above two areas is the reason they hire me as a coach. They’ve usually been wildly successful doing something other than their passion or what feels like their purpose, and together we work to discover what a new path forward might look like.

Hiring a coach is a great way to gain some powerful traction on the above questions. That said, there are some small things we can do on our own, as well, to kick start the process. Here are a few of my favorites.

Pay Attention to Curiosities.

“Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.” - Mary Oliver

I see many people put pressure on themselves to figure out the answers to these enormous questions about purpose and passion in one massive epiphany that comes with a bolt of lightening at 2 in the morning. While sometimes the answers come to us this way, often the answers are the result of paying better attention over a period of time.

The first thing we can begin to pay attention to is curiosities.

  • What are you curious about?

  • What are you interested in?

  • What do you find yourself reading about in your free time?

  • What types of books are you drawn to?

  • What do you find yourself researching online, just because you want to know more?

  • What are the themes of conversations you’re having with friends?

  • Who are the people you find yourself following or drawn to - through blogs, articles, or social media?

Pay attention. Write these things down. Make a list and continually add to it. Allow yourself to simply add to it over the course of several weeks. And then, look back to see what you notice.

Track Your Energy.

What are the things, throughout your days, that give you energy? What are the things that deplete your energy?

Pay attention. Write them down. I recommend making a good old fashioned T-Chart with a list of “+” and “-” and adding to this list throughout your days.

Do this exercise at work.

  • When do you feel engaged and energized?

  • What are the projects you feel excited to work on?

  • Which types of conversations energize you?

  • And, on the flip side, when do you feel that you’re drained or depleted?

  • Which projects or tasks do you dread tackling?

Write them all down on your list.

Do this exercise at home.

  • What are you doing when you feel totally energized at home or around the house? Are you working in the garage or tackling a craft project or cooking?

  • What are you doing when you feel depleted or drained at home?

Put all of these things on the list.

Do this process for a week or two and notice, without judging, what emerges. Are there any trends or patterns? Or perhaps any surprises?

This process is not only helpful for informing your passions and purpose, but also for making small tweaks that make everyday life more easeful and joyful. I’ve made several small but game changing tweaks to my everyday workflows and rhythms as a result of my findings from this process.

Go Back In Time.

Think back to when you were young.

  • What did you love to do when you were little?

  • What types of games did you play?

  • What were your favorite types of toys to play with?

  • What did you want to be when you grew up?

Think back to high school and college.

  • When were you happiest?

  • What activities were you part of?

  • When were you having the most fun?

  • When did you feel most engaged in what you were doing?

  • When did you feel the most fulfilled?

Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Dig up some old photos and notice what you were doing.

For most of us, there is at least some thread that relates to our passion and purpose. In my case, for example, I played school almost every day. I had an entire school set-up in my basement: blackboard, overhead projector (the old school kind with the plastic sheets and the wipe-off markers - yes, I was that into playing school), chairs, and supplies. All through high school and college I taught water aerobics to adults and swimming lessons and Spanish for kids. I absolutely loved the process of teaching and learning.

While for a long time I thought all of this meant that I wanted to be a teacher within our school systems, I realized in my adult life that I wanted to create spaces of learning and self discovery and transformation and personal growth - for adults - which is exactly what I’m doing today. Putting these pieces together was not an overnight realization - it came after much reflection, lots of additional education, and plenty of time in the corporate world doing something entirely different.

Do Stuff.

Perhaps most importantly, to discover our passion, we need to do stuff that we are passionate about. To uncover our purpose, we need to take purposeful action.

Generally speaking, we will not discover our purpose solely by sitting at home reading books about purpose. We will not uncover our passion solely by reading inspirational quotes about passion, even if they are written in perfect calligraphy (you know the ones I’m talking about).

Rather, we will discover our purpose and our passion by taking action, with purpose and with passion.

Sign up for a class. Take the workshop. Reach out to that person you worked with 10 years ago who is now doing something super interesting and reconnect. Subscribe to the industry magazine. Volunteer with an organization that sparks your interest.

Try stuff. Dabble. Tinker. Allow yourself to be curious, and unattached to the outcome.

Do stuff just for fun.

In Summary.

To discover our purpose, we need to take purposeful action. Purposeful action does not need to mean quitting your job on a whim and moving into a Westfalia van for the next 3 years (though it certainly could if you feel called to do so) or going on a year-long spirit quest in Bali (though it certainly could if you feel called to do so). Purposeful action can mean making a list; starting your day with intention; paying attention to your curiosities; doing things that bring you joy; and noticing what you discover along the way.

Escaping the Endless Cycle of Yes

Escaping the Endless Cycle of Yes

Saying yes too much. Difficulty saying no. Overcommitting. Prioritizing other people’s priorities over your own. Becoming stretched too thin. Taking on the project because other people dropped the ball. Over-serving the committee because none of the other volunteers follow through. Expressing interest in something and then suddenly finding yourself in charge of it. Saying yes to an opportunity because it’s amazing, but then wondering when the heck you’re going to fit it in.

Anyone else struggle with one or more of these things?

If you do, I hear you. I see you. I get you. My natural tendency is to do these things too. I quickly see possibility and potential in any given situation, which means that in my mind I quickly jump from where we are right now to where we could be in the future. It also means that sometimes, in the moment when the opportunity presents itself, I overlook the steps in between - for example, how long it might take to get there or what else I have on my plate. As you can imagine, this has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion.

It is a constant, daily (sometimes hourly) practice for me to work with my natural tendency (seeing possibility, potential, what’s possible, allowing myself to be excited and enthusiastic about all of this) while also incorporating everyday realities such as time, capacity, and scheduling.

This is not a post about saying no more, or saying yes less. Rather, it is a post about moving from, as Greg McKeown says, the trivial many to the essential few. It is a post about saying yes in a way that aligns with your values and your priorities. And it is a post about remembering that we are the creators of our own life, versus allowing others - or our inboxes or our friends or other on the committee - to control it for us.

Here are some strategies I use in this ongoing pursuit to align my time with my values; my priorities with my calendar; and my decisions with my core purpose in this world.

Wait at least 24 hours before responding to any new opportunities.

First, this provides time to check this opportunity against my values and reflect on the following questions:

  • Is it in line with my values?

  • Would this opportunity be moving me toward my vision?

  • Is it in line with my priorities for the year?

It also allows me time to think about my capacity and bandwidth, and also the tradeoff costs.

  • Do I have time to take this on?

  • If I say yes to this, what will I need to say no to?

  • When will I have time to do this? And is it in line with the timing of the opportunity or event?

  • Do I actually have time, or would I be trying to squeeze it in?


Ask Myself: If this opportunity wouldn’t have come to me from elsewhere, would I have actively pursued it on my own?

This, of course, can be a particularly challenging question as a business owner, and especially for new business owners who are working to build their businesses.

“No but…..it’s a good opportunity….” But is it a great opportunity? Is it aligned with the work you most want to do in the world and the people you most want to serve?

In the beginning, as new business owners and entrepreneurs, as long as the opportunities are aligned, I tend to recommend being more generous with what you say yes to. This provides an opportunity to try out various things, work with several different types of clients, and learn more about what you like (and what you don’t). And then, as your business grows, you can use these early experiences to shape future decisions and areas of focus.

That said, if the only reason you are saying yes is “to get more business” or “to generate referrals” or something gross like that, I suggest revisiting. It should also be fun, or interesting, or an opportunity to work with fabulous people.

If you are approached about joining a board or a committee, ask the same question. While flattering to receive the invite, is this the cause you care deeply about? Is this the way you want to invest your time and energy? Are the people on the board ‘stunning colleagues’ who you will be excited to gather with each month or each quarter?

Is the opportunity a Hell Yeah?

Is the opportunity a Hell Yeah on its own? If not, what would make it a Hell Yeah? And if you can’t think of anything that would make it a Hell Yeah, is it really worth saying yes to?

As Derek Sivers famously said, “if it’s not a Hell Yeah," it’s a no.”

The way I like to look at this is a Big Yes or a Little Yes. The Big Yes is aligned with our values, our vision, our priorities. The little yes comes from a place of ‘should’ or obligation.

As new opportunities come your way, ask yourself if it’s a Hell Yeah. If you can’t think of any conditions under which it would be a Hell Yeah, if it isn’t already, then you likely have your answer.

What are the conditions/terms under which I would love to say yes?

Related to the above, if it isn’t a Hell Yeah, is there anything that would make it worth it?

For example, for new entrepreneurs or business owners, the truth is that every single project might not be a Hell Yeah. And, at the same time, one must eat.

So, for my clients who are navigating this situation (“It isn’t a Hell Yeah, but I need to eat…”) we often come up with a set of criteria that will make the opportunity worth it. This could involve the structure, the timing, the price, or perhaps a combination of the above. It might mean, for example, proposing a fall versus spring timeline to allow more time to prep. Or, it might involve asking for travel reimbursement to cover the cost of driving to another state.

Will my future self (in 1 month, 6 Months, a year) be happy that I said yes to this? What would my future self want me to say?

This can be one of the most game changing questions for me to ask myself. While my current self will enthusiastically say yes, what about my 6-Month-Future self? Will she still be thrilled about the opportunity?

There's a quote that goes something like, “an elephant looks small in the distance.”

This is also the case with things we say yes to. It might not seem like a lot of time at the moment. But will that still be the case in a month, in 6 months, in a year? Carefully consider the thoughts, the energy, the capacity, and the bandwidth of your future self before your present self says yes to anything.

What would my (actual, or metaphorical) board of directors tell me to do?

Do you have a board of directors? If not, I invite you to create one!

This might be an actual, living board of directors. I have a few different informal boards in my life - some girlfriends and soul sisters, some coaches, some strategic advisors and mentors.

Or, it might be a metaphorical board of directors. The idea is to identify a few people who you respect, put them on your metaphorical board of directors, and then ‘consult’ them when thinking about decisions or opportunities.

Sometimes, during a monthly meet-up with my real-life board of directors, I’ll review opportunities and get feedback. For example, a few months back, I was struggling with a decision not to submit a proposal to speak at a certain conference. They helped me see that while it was a great conference, it was not in line with my vision for the future, and my time and energy would be much better spent elsewhere.

I also have a metaphorical board of directors. These are people who I follow, and whose approach to business I deeply respect. For example, Seth Godin is one of the members of my metaphorical board of directors. He just doesn’t know it! Seth is ruthlessly committed to focusing on his most important work in the world. In his case, that means writing and publishing a blog post every single day. He doesn’t take meetings, he’s very mindful about the amount of travel he takes on, and he is committed to delivering value to his community every single day. If ever I am struggling with what to focus on or whether to take on a new project, I’ll consider what advice he might give me if I were to ask him his opinion. This whole process might sound a little weird but is incredibly helpful for me when I use it.

In the End

At the end of the day, this practice isn’t about saying no more, or saying yes less. Ultimately, it’s about making sure we say yes to the things that are aligned with our values and priorities, and no to the things that aren’t.

Sometimes, of course, we need to do things that aren’t aligned as part of our work, or our job responsibilities, or even basic duties we take on at home. But often, we have more opportunity than we think to shift, tweak, or restructure things to create the alignment that we desire.

Resources and Recommended Reading

  • Essentialism by Greg McKeown - the book I read again and again for inspiration on this subject.

  • The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan - I especially like their focusing question: “what is the one thing that will make everything else easier or unnecessary?”

  • Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin - it was in this book that I first learned about the Four Tendencies. As an obliger, the above practices are essential for me, because my natural tendency is to say yes to external requests and no to requests that I make of myself. Obligers make up the largest percentage of the population; if you find yourself struggling with this topic, you may enjoy checking out her work, or at least her free quiz which only takes a couple minutes.

  • The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin - more information on the four tendencies and how to work with each of them. I’ve found that this framework can be transformative not only for how we operate as individuals, but also how we operate in relationships. Fun fact: Gretchen found that obligers and rebels are often in romantic relationships together, and I’ve found her theory to be correct. Many of my rebel clients are married to obligers; many of my obliger clients are either dating or married to rebels.

Manifestation and Action

"Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life."

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There’s much in the personal development space about this concept…about the fact that our dream lives are ours to create...about the fact that anything is possible...about hustling, about shining bright, about getting after it, about believing...and about doing all of the other things we see made into nice inspirational quotes, written in calligraphy.

I believe that so much is possible. I believe that changing our thinking and the way we view the world can have a massive impact on how we feel each day. I believe we can create from everything. *And,* I believe that sometimes, in these spaces of motivation and personal development and anything is possible and your dreams are yours to achieve that we sometimes neglect to talk about some of the harder, more complicated parts of this equation. Like the fact that in many ways, even being able to have these conversations and think about these things are privileges themselves.

What can it look like to hold both?

The possibility, and also the reality of what is happening around us?

The invitation to manifest, alongside a commitment to action?

Being positive and optimistic, while not turning a blind eye to the things that are deeply painful in our country and our world right now?

These are questions that don't have quick and easy answers...questions that I feel committed to examining and exploring and that I’ve been leaning into.

What do you think?

Real Self versus Fantasy Self

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Are there any areas in your life where you’re holding yourself to certain expectations based on what I call your Fantasy Self? The fantasy self is a version of yourself that doesn’t exist today ... but might ... someday in the future.

For several years I had a fantasy self who meal planned. I was always so inspired by the people who had every single meal written neatly on a beautiful little meal planning calendar for the week, along with sides, snacks, and sauces. Chicken fettuccini with kale salad on Monday, fish tacos with cilantro cream sauce on Tuesday. ‘How glorious would it be to be so organized and have this type of menu prepared?!’ my fantasy self thought. My fantasy self tried to get into meal planning for years. I always thought that I just wasn’t organized enough, or proactive enough, or maybe that I wasn’t doing it right.

And then it dawned on me: my real self hates meal planning! My real self finds it confining and suffocating. My real self has no clue on Sunday what she wants to eat on Wednesday. My real self loves the creativity that comes from looking around the kitchen and creating something with what’s there. My real self loves what I call Spontaneously Inspired Cooking. My real self doesn’t need a meal plan or a fancy calendar. All she needs is groceries. My real self finds creativity in the kitchen, and a rigid meal plan totally stifles that creativity.

This realization about my fantasy self who meal plans and my real self who loves spontaneously inspired cooking occurred to me only within the last year and has been wildly freeing and empowering.

My question for you: are there any areas in your life where you’re holding yourself to expectations of a fantasy self, when in fact you could tap into what’s true for your real self, to create more joy, more ease, and more alignment? 

Reflections From a Week (Mostly) Unplugged

Last week, I (mostly) unplugged. For the first time since starting my business, I left on vacation without my laptop, with the intention of Zing Collaborative being closed for a full week. I was inspired to do this by Danielle LaPorte, Marie Forleo, and one of my clients - each of whom shuts down the businesses 1-2 times per year, where the office is fully "closed" and everyone has an opportunity to relax and unplug. 

I say "mostly," because I did use my phone for a few things. While we printed out paper maps prior to departure and used them about 90% of the time, there were a couple of questionable situations due to road construction that I checked on Google Maps. I also sent a couple texts to my house sitter to confirm logistics, to my mom, to a girlfriend who I'd be meeting up with later in the trip, and to reply to two girlfriends who had texted with life-changing news. 

Otherwise, my phone was typically off, on airplane mode, or left behind. Below are a few things that I noticed from this small experiment.

1. It was hard. 

I love my work and therefore love being plugged into it. Being plugged in doesn't really feel like work; it just feels like what I do as part of running a business and serving my clients. As a result, unplugging felt unnatural. I snuck a few peeks in my inbox while Jake was inside a gas station about halfway through the road trip toward our first destination, trying to get just "one more look" before arriving - where I felt that the unplugging rules really applied.

Not checking social media was hard, too. These days, Instagram is my social media platform of choice, and there are just so many pretty things to look at in those tiny boxes. The boxes are seductive and tempting. During my last few scrolls prior to leaving, I noticed my ego, which paid a lot of attention to other people who were going on trips and posting about every single detail of every awesome thing they were doing.

2. Until it wasn't. 

The first day was the most challenging - especially since it was a travel day and I therefore felt straddled between my "normal" world and my "unplugged" world. However, I noticed that after settling in and getting through those first 24 hours, unplugging became easy. We rode our fat bikes through incredible trails along crystal clear, roaring streams with absolutely stunning views. We ate delicious food by the campfire and at little restaurants in town. We did, we saw, and we engaged with our worlds with an occasional photo or two on the old-school "real camera" that we had packed, but that was it. And it was lovely. 

3. We talked to people. 

One of the things that strikes me most about this little experiment is how many people we met during our trip. We often meet people here and there while traveling - but on this trip we met so many people. We met Matt and Tonya within 30 seconds of walking up to Black Rocks Brewery, and talked to them for a good hour about biking and life. We met Brian, who has taken 17 extended road trips in his camper van, and is currently in the middle of a year-long stretch. During this year-long stretch, he's never once stayed at a campground and instead finds free places to sleep in his van: parking lots of libraries, police stations, Cracker Barrels, and churches, he shared. We met Craig, who loves Natty Light and once had to drive the Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile through the hippest neighborhoods of Los Angeles, which increased his already-strong feelings of hatred toward the large, long, and awkward vehicle. We met John and Susan, when John came knocking on the camper to share some info on a bike route while Jake was in his underwear, causing quite a bit of hilarity. We met Michelle, who started a tiny business on Etsy which has now blossomed to the point of being featured in Target and Martha Stuart Living. We met Justin and Jason, who we hope will come visit us in Madison someday. We met Sarah, who started the coolest restaurant I've been to in a long time, and Randy who moved from Brooklyn to start a super hip little coffee shop in Ephram. The list goes on.

Being unplugged created more space and openness to engage with others. Of all the things I noticed while being unplugged, this was the most powerful and unexpected. 

4. I became more aware.

A few days into the trip, we walked into a bakery where every single person in the bakery was on their phone. Specifically, they were looking at Facebook. An older couple sat in silence, each scrolling independently through their Facebook feeds. They didn't say a word to each other for the entire time we were in the bakery eating our cookies. There was a father, engrossed in his Facebook feed while his kids talked to each other, and tried to talk to him. And there was the young woman behind the counter, scrolling away in her idle moments. There isn't, of course, anything bad about using Facebook or about spending some quiet time checking social media. However, the air of disconnection in the bakery with every single person's face looking down at their feed was palpable. I noticed myself feeling a bit of sadness as I looked around to connect or smile or look another person in the eyes (it was a very small bakery), without any eyes to meet.

5. Coming back was easy. 

After being away for a week, jumping back in felt easy and exciting. I was happy to get back to my rhythms, my clients, my kitchen, and my projects. What surprised me, though, was how easy it was to catch up. Being away for a week allowed me to come back to my inbox with excruciating clarity about what was most important and how to address it. I spent a few hours catching up the evening of our return, and a couple more the next day, and that was that. I've had more energy this week back than I've had in a long time. I feel refreshed and clear. 

6. Carrying it forward. 

Unplugging for a week is great, but what about in everyday life? I believe there are many things we can do to bring a bit more presence into our worlds that don't require a week in the woods. 

  • Leave your phone in your [bag, backpack, purse, glovebox] when you're engaging with others/engaging in activities. A number of studies have found that the mere presence of a cell phone on the table during dinner can negatively impact perceptions and the quality of conversation, even if the phone isn't being used.  
  • Practice experiencing something [gorgeous, cool, incredible, breathtaking] without taking a photo of it. I've been amused lately to pull up to popular, gorgeous places in nature to be met with a row of cell phones, lined up to capture the perfect shot. Once again, taking a photo of something isn't bad, but there's also power in just experiencing it, noticing it, and allowing it to sink in. 
  • Ask, "why am I posting this?" According to a number of articles I've read, people report that seeing vacation photos, of all photos on social media, make them feel the worst as they're scrolling. Now, of course, this doesn't mean we can't share a photo or two from our vacation to capture our memories and our moments for ourselves, but posting every detail of everything we do, see, and eat is just plain obnoxious. This article has some good tips (and is also hilarious because it's true). 
  • Consider a sabbath. One of the happiest and healthiest places on earth is Loma Linda, California due to its large Seventh Day Adventist population. Adventists take a 24-hour sabbath each week, taking time to focus on family, faith, and nature. We can do the same by taking a day each week to disconnect from our technology and connect to the things that matter most. 

7. Just for fun - resources and favorite things.

We spent our week unplugged camping, fat biking, and spending time in nature. After much experimentation, we've found a few favorite camping staples:

  • Kodiak Cakes: The perfectly fluffy, protein-packed pancake (just add water)
  • Aero Press: The rumors are true. This makes the best cup of coffee I have ever had. Plus it's light, small, easy to pack and store, and is loving toward the environment with its tiny paper filters. 
  • Action Wipes: Vegan, cruelty-free, wipes for times when showering isn't an option. The wipes can be recycled/re-used for other purposes. 
  • Dr. Bronners Soap: socially and environmentally responsible soap that I love to take camping. I like the travel-sized lavendar scent, which makes me feel like I'm at a spa in the campground shower.
  • Eno Hammock: perfect for sunny, breezy days 

Do you have any favorite ways to unplug, or to bring more presence into everyday life? If so, I'd love to hear! 

Imitation is Not Flattery (and what to do instead)

A number of times over the past year, I have discovered entire portions of my website copied and pasted onto other people's websites. In several cases, the website belonged to a friend or to someone I'm relatively close to.

Each time this happens, I feel hurt and disappointed.

I always try to assume positive intent and remember that most likely, it wasn't deliberate or intentional. I acknowledge that very rarely is there such a thing as a "unique idea" and believe what Mark Twain said when he stated:

“There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.”

I believe in the possibility that it was a complete coincidence that we just so happened to create the same exact program and describe it in the same exact words and structure it in the same exact way.

When I inquired with a friend about one of these situations in the past, she apologized and said that she had been deeply inspired by my website - so she applied that inspiration to her own site. She didn't realize that the impact of her inspiration had been recreating one of my programs, word for word, and listing it on her own site. 

I believed her. 

She took it down.

We moved on.

I still consider her a wonderful person and a friend.

But here's the thing. 

Imitation is the most sure-fire way to keep ourselves from our own truth.

As Oscar Wilde said:

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.”

Imitation keeps us in a cycle of mediocrity. 

Imitation keeps us from our greatness. 

Imitation keeps us playing small. 

Imitation is one path forward - we see it happening all day, every day, all over the internet. It can get us reasonably far and can lead us to a level of relative success. 

However, originality is another path forward. Originality is the path that leads us to our greatness and leads us to our truth. 

And often, in order to find our truth, we need to take a little break from all the inspiration. 

Many of us fill our days with consumption from the time we wake up in the morning until the time we go to bed. We take a quick scroll through our favorite social media sites first thing in the morning. We pop in to read our favorite blogs throughout the day. And we wind down in the evening by scrolling through Instagram and Facebook. 

When we do this, we fill our days with other people's thoughts, other people's truth, and other people's ideas. This leaves little time or space for our own. 

If you feel like you might be a little heavy on the "inspiration" side and could use a bit more space for your own thoughts and own ideas, here are a few things to try:

Creation Before Intake.

Specifically, this means no social media or intake first thing in the morning, until after you have had at least 5 minutes to chill out and think and perhaps even write down a reflection or two. In addition to getting in touch with your truth, this simple habit will lead to more productive and easeful and spacious feeling days. Read more on how to create better days through better mornings here.

Self-Check: Is this My truth?

When writing or speaking or posting or creating a fun little graphic with a fun little quote you found online somewhere, pause to ask yourself: "Is this my truth? Is this what I deeply believe?" If your answer is anything but a resounding yes, pause. Step away and reflect. And come back when you know the answer. 

Ask Yourself: Is Inspiration What I Most Need Right Now?

Sometimes it is. We are in the mood for some of those fun little graphics with fun little quotes, or to look at or read something beautiful online. And often, what we really need is some time with our own thoughts - 5 minutes to sit quietly, a quick walk around the block, or 2 minutes to just pause and breathe. 

As Herman Melville said:

It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation."

And I would argue that originality and truth can never fully fail.